Let's Love and Risk It All
by intelligentle
Summary: Teresa is shot while on duty and her driver Antonio is killed leaving her traumatized and alone. When Jarek leaves the hospital with her, new feelings emerge and they both begin to question what happened in their past, including Jarek's commitment to Dina and Elena. Set within the context of the show. Prequel to "TOMMWA." Hard "M" rating for explicit sexual content.


Jarek wanted to get as far away from that hospital as he could. He watched as they deposited Antonio's body into a black bag zipping it up and quickly hauling it away. She was nearby; saw the whole thing and every fiber of his being wanted to take her away from there_. "No," she said. "I want to see this."_

"Teresa, we should leave. You really don't have to see this." He took a hold of her arm, but she turned away from him. Tears stung the back of her eyes.

He stared long and hard at her after that. Even in profile she was beautiful. Even in her darkest hour she knew how to stay composed.

She felt his strong arms around her, her face contorting into a grimace, the façade breaking. He held her as she crumpled against him, raw emotion being bared before the only person she knew would hear her cries of pain.

"He was one of our own, Jarek. And now he's gone."

"I know." He held her tighter. It tore him apart inside to hear the grief in her voice. Just hours before they'd been reminiscing over a steak dinner. She'd asked him about something he'd once said to her in the patrol car, something he couldn't remember because he had been too busy staring into her eyes. Just before he thought she'd noticed, he let out a "No." Then came the nervous laugh where he leaned over the table and smiled at her. She returned his gaze. It felt like old times where they'd shared so many stories over dinners. In that moment he didn't realize how much he missed her or how insignificant that time they shared was compared to now. As he held her in his arms listening to her draw in deep breaths that hitched in the middle, he couldn't think of words to say. When she finally regained some of her composure she pulled back, a hand falling to his chest.

"It shouldn't be this hard. He should never have died. I should be the one…."

He touched her shoulder making her look into his eyes. She met his eyes and he saw the heartbreak written across them as plain as day. His comforting hand on her shoulder and the determination in his eyes resonated within her.

"Don't say things like that. Don't blame yourself for what happened to him. You did everything that you could. Antonio is a hero. He saved your life Teresa."

She looked down again not believing she was worthy of being saved.

"I will catch the bastards who did this to him and who tried to kill you tonight. I promise you."

She met his gaze again, feeling her body warm underneath his gaze. She noticed her breathing ebbing, her shaking becoming less pronounced.

"I don't want to lose you again."

She swallowed the lump that had grown in her throat. He was her only respite from the terrible world raging around her. He knew her like no one else and in that moment she wanted to be near him, close to him so the fear would not overcome her.

Reassuringly he reached for her hand, his lips curving into a small smile. The gesture was sincere, genuine even. She welcomed it and curled her fingers around his, a warm feeling spreading through her. He placed the other across her back and slowly led her out of the hospital.

He continued to lead her past the throng of reporters and news crews that had gathered at the entrance, waiting with baited breath for any news of her or her driver's condition. As the throng overcame them she pulled him close frightened by the quick flashes from cameras and microphones being shoved in her face.

_Like gunshots. _

Antonio's face appeared before her, asking for help. She held him in her arms, a shaky, bloody hand reaching out to her in desperate agony. She remembered carrying his body into the car, hearing him moan as she raced towards the hospital, her voice cracking over the police radio. Jarek's grip tightened around her body as he pushed effortlessly through the crowd as his hand seemed to part the photographers and reporters on either side of them. She kept her head down as low as possible fearing the raw emotions she felt would be captured for the whole city to see. As they walked together, she could feel his heart beating strong against her ear and felt grateful for the strength he was giving to her. Their strides matched as he brought her faster to their waiting cruiser. She lifted her head and saw Caleb waiting for them, the warmth of the car not far away. They reached it and Caleb opened the door. Teresa feared her legs would not be able to hold her. She gripped Jarek's hand as he slowly guided her into the passenger's seat, not letting go until she was seated safely inside.

"Easy. Easy. There you go."

Her body immediately sunk into the seat, her head hitting the headrest as fatigue washed fast over her. She would not have wanted anything more than to close her eyes and forget all she had seen, preferably with Jarek.

_On her. Kissing her. Inside of her. _

She imagined a brief moment where he straddled her inside the cruiser, his hands tangled in her hair, moving quickly to her hips as he slipped inside. He held her close, his lips finding her, passionate and feverish gasps all they could hear as she came undone beneath him.

She quickly opened her eyes when Jarek sat down next to her not noticing she'd been dozing. Her eyes darted back and forth and her pulse raced as she stared at the dashboard trying to comprehend what she had just thought. She could feel the sting of his kiss and the wisps of his breath on her neck. Caleb entered the backseat and reached over for his seatbelt.

"We should leave now so we don't get stuck answering questions to them." He thumbed back towards the throng who had started to move towards the car. Remembering her belt she twisted to her left but grimaced as the bandage moved around her cracked rib. The pain was more than she expected and it worried her. She felt stinging behind her eyes and took a shaky breath to stop them from coming forward.

"Teresa, are you all right?"

Her eyes darted back towards the two men their faces lined with worry. Jarek's hand was wedged between hers and the center console. The feeling coursed through her again, hitting her in just the right spots, the fantasy lingering there in the awkward silence. She hoped her two comrades could not see her blushing.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, quickly retrieving her now sweaty hand from the console. The two detectives exchanged a glance before the engine purred underneath them. Slowly he pulled out and it became quiet, the car bathed in darkness.

The thoughts that raced through her made her feel exposed. Her body tingled with each passing mile they took towards home. She did not know how to react to what she was feeling inside nor did she want to turn her head fearing he would read her like an open book. Feeling trapped but with nowhere to go she leaned towards the window hoping the lights rushing past would calm her.

They turned onto Michigan heading north with nothing but the road before them. Caleb looked down at his phone fingering through the dozens of text messages and calls he'd received since the shooting happened. Closing the phone, tired of dealing with the questions he looked up at his two newfound friends. Fate had put them together and in that moment he felt closer to them than he had since becoming detective.

Looking over at her now, her face framed by the golden lights passing over her face, almost sleeping, a part of him knew that she'd be okay. It would definitely take time to heal but he would be there with her every step of the way. He needed her and she needed him and if it ever came to it, he would sure as hell die for her.

As they passed through neighborhoods, Jarek's anxiety rose. Caleb watched him from the backseat and a sly smile curved across his face as he looked out at the familiar Clark St. lined with Cubbie-themed bars, the Friendly Confines just across the street. He knew it was sacrilegious for Jarek to even be seen in this part of town, and mentally he could hear all of the jabbing he was bound to receive for it tomorrow. As they turned down his street and pulled slowly to a stop his thoughts shifted towards Teresa. He wondered what tomorrow would be like for her. Tonight even. She was a strong woman he knew that, but he feared that leaving her alone tonight would not be the wisest of choices. Silently he hoped she was spending the night with Jarek. He opened the door and closing it stood beside the car. Teresa rolled down the window for him. He leaned forward so his face was level with hers.

"Superintendent I just first of all want to say how sorry I am for your loss. Second, I just want to know that you'll be okay. You'll get through this." He met Jarek's eyes communicating silently.

A light breeze picked up strands of her hair and Caleb then noticed how tired she was. She needed to go home and rest peacefully.

"Thank you Detective. For your condolences and all you've done tonight. See you tomorrow." She smiled and he nodded curtly before turning and walking up the stairs.

The feelings she thought had waned returned with a force as soon as Caleb retreated from the car. She once again felt trapped with her emotions. The awkward silence now filling the space between them only magnified what she felt inside. He pulled out, gliding back down the road headed towards a different part of town. He wrestled with the idea of leaving her alone at her place. He didn't want her to be alone. Her eyes flickered and meeting his gaze confirmed where he was taking her. The need for her to be with him was overwhelming.

When he finally parked, turned off the ignition and the lights went dark Teresa became afraid. She gripped the seat as he opened his door and came around the side of the car. And when he leaned forward, his hand beckoning to hers, she had to look at him and hoped against everything that he couldn't see what she was feeling inside.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and she over his back as he guided her slowly towards the stairs. She gripped the railing tightly taking each step one at a time, trying to calm her nerves and the slow ache beginning to grow inside her. His chin dropped to nestle in her hair, his hand gentle around her waist, and she felt it grow stronger. Hurriedly, she refocused her mind, but all she could see was Antonio lying on the ground begging for help. The pain behind her ribs started again and then she dragged her feet up the stairs, her body weak and exhausted.

He left her in the foyer and the sudden loss of his touch made her ache. She hadn't even realized that time had passed, that he'd retrieved her keys and opened the door where she now stood.

"I'm gonna get you something to eat."

She hadn't even asked but there he was, in her kitchen putting plates away and rummaging through her fridge. She didn't even know how she was standing in her kitchen. She felt as if she had floated there.

"No, it's okay. You don't have to." She was surprised momentarily at how quiet and hoarse her voice sounded. He stopped talking, looking over at her, never seeing her so tired before. He wanted to ask again if she was okay but dropped the thought when he saw the faraway look in her eye, the staggering loneliness. Instead he continued.

"You should eat. You haven't eaten in a while."

"Okay," she said softly hugging herself self consciously.

She couldn't control anything, her mind too clouded. She felt weird inside and knew those emotions were manifesting on her face. As he started to wash some dishes she drifted, her vision going out of focus as Antonio's face appeared before her once more, his blood staining her kitchen floor. She mentally shook out of the vision backing slowly out into the hallway.

"I'm…I'm just gonna go and change upstairs." She'd caught him in the middle of washing a dish and he looked up at her cautiously. Quickly she turned away and headed up the short flight of stairs towards her bathroom.

Closing the door behind her she stumbled towards the sink, grabbing it and letting sobs overtake her. Her throat tightened when she thought of him and slowly she began to realize what she was feeling. Feeling the wave spill over, she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like a mess with bloodshot eyes and tangled hair. She wiped tears from her eyes, her throat tight. Taking a few slow breaths she felt her heart rate slow. Reaching for her clothes that she always kept on the floor, she drew the tank top over her head, wincing slightly. She threaded her arms as carefully as she could through the t-shirt trying not to aggravate the wound. When she successfully pulled the shirt over her head, she reached for her boxer shorts and slipped them on with ease. Taking one last look in the mirror her heart started to pound again as she exited the bathroom.

She looked up just in time to see him standing there.

In the time he'd taken to fix her something and ask about her well being he'd also removed his Kevlar vest, his dark purple tie and blue shirt standing there in the doorway. Her hand rested on the doorjamb, and as her brown eyes slowly met his crystal blue ones, she was struck in that moment by his concern for her. That concern twisted and turned, welling up inside of her as she remembered what she'd told herself silently, the secret that she'd kept hidden for so long. He stepped closer to her seeing the pain flash in her eyes again. She let go of the doorjamb turning her body fully towards him.

"Why are you here?"

He didn't recognize the Teresa Colvin before him. The broken and bruised woman who had just lost someone dear to her; whose emotions had spun violently out of control. He was used to the woman who gave him orders, who kept him in his place, who never let these kinds of things get to her. He didn't like how she stood there, accusing him of why he was there when she perfectly knew why. He thought of all he had done for her, not just tonight but every time she needed him. He'd always been there at her side and he couldn't believe she couldn't see that. There was still so much she kept to herself, so much he didn't know about her. Things she kept locked away from him in the deepest parts of her soul. He wanted to know all of those things. _ So badly. _He wanted to know _her_.

"Why do you keep saving me?"

A single tear fell from her face again and he resisted the urge to take his thumb and wipe it away. She wanted answers to questions he couldn't give her. Something built inside him, an uncontrollable need to hold her, comfort her, to be there for her when no one else would. He resisted it with everything he had knowing that if he tread down that path, if he started to feel for her in that way, he could never go back. _Ever._

"I want Antonio back, Jarek. I want him back. Why did they take him from me?" She was trying to hold all of her emotions in, a tactic she learned well through her years as a cop. All of that was falling apart around her. Conflict raged inside between wanting what she couldn't have and running away from it all. But by God, she_ needed_ him, _wanted_ him and nothing was going to stop her now.

She sucked in a breath waiting for his answer, the anguish and desire building to a breaking point.

"I don't know Teresa." His voice broke through the silence. "I don't know why they killed him but I wish I knew. I wish I knew how I could help you. Because I can't stand to see you like this. I can't stand knowing that whoever tried to kill you is still out there and you're here feeling all of this pain. All I know is that I'm right here and I've always been right here, right where you needed me."

And because she couldn't stop on the path that had been laid before her, struck by the emotion her best friend had just showed she succumbed to her emotions. She stepped close to him, her body nearly touching his, so close that he could feel her erratic breathing on his face. Raising a hand she pulled it down, finding his lips and kissing them softly. Tears streamed down her face as a rush of emotion climaxed within her, confirming what she had spent countless nights dreaming of. He brought his arms around her, feeling her warm body touching his, and a need grow that he knew had been stifled for too long. The new sensation caused her to moan slightly and he opened his mouth wider, tasting her fully. She brought her other hand to cradle his face, feeling his lips press into her again. Hearing a slight moan escape from within her he suddenly pushed her back.

He couldn't go there. No, not yet. He couldn't betray the other two women in his life. Not like this. But something screamed inside of him when her face fell into his shoulder and she cried:

"Please, Jarek, please," her voice barely above a whisper, a sob overtaking her. She pounded one of her angry fists into him. "I _need_ you."

He held her in his arms, struggling with whether to go on. Her cries of desperation and longing filled him with guilt. Seconds passed by as he thought about what this would mean for them, and how it would complicate everything. She raised her head to look at him, pleading with him to go on. And in that moment he realized she trusted him more than anyone else. For all these years he had known how precious she was to him, and how oblivious he was to it then. He was falling in love with her and the driving force of fate could not stop that now.

He leaned down, his lips pressing into her—hard- slow and long, his tongue mingling passionately with hers, the world melting away around them. She moaned when he put his hands around her face, pulling her in deeper. In response, she drew her hands into in his hair and grabbing fistfuls her body shifting hungrily against his. He dips down to her neck leaving soft kisses along her slender skin, veins pulsing in time with her heartbeat. The warmth of his mouth made her shudder and her knees became weak with each advance he made.

Seconds later, she'd backed him into the wall, reaching to undo his tie and shirt with urgency. Her hands trailed down to pull the hem from his pants, unbuttoning and lifting them over his shoulders. She let her hands roam along his arms and back hearing his desperate sighing. He arched into her just as she wedged her thigh in between his legs.

"Teresa," he groaned at the sudden application where he'd needed it most.

He wrapped his arms around her, feeling her body against his, their hips colliding, as each moment moved into the next, their breathing becoming ragged with pent up excitement. She shivered, feeling his hands slide up her legs towards the drawstring on her shorts. He swiftly turns her around, planting her against the wall; the string falling apart in his hands as he slowly slipped her shorts down. His hands come back and cup her breast, kneading them slowly. He heard her moan in delight and then moved to grab her shirt from behind, lifting it over her head.

She ran her fingertips over his lips, their eyes meeting for just seconds before he disappeared, his tongue swirling in between her breasts. She lets her fingers rake through his hair, moaning as he licks and sucks at her skin, making her sob with want. He reached down with a hand, softly grazing near her entrance before swallowing her strangled whine with his mouth.

Swiftly, he hooked his hands underneath her arms lifting her into his arms. Her lips fall back onto his neck as he carried her into the bedroom. As they fall onto the bed, her hair fan outs around her. He hovers over her, studying, before kissing her, deeply and thoroughly, their tongues fighting for dominance. She tried to reach around his back, desperate for more contact, but he took both of her arms and held them tightly to the bed.

Sliding down to her lips again he brushed across her racing pulse letting his hands roam all over her, being careful of her bruised rib. She was surprised at how he remembered all of her sensitive spots. Releasing her arms, she is free to let her hands roam over his broad shoulders and back, digging into him with her fingernails, marking him. When he settled onto a breast, her back arched off the mattress as he kneaded the other in his hand.

Sliding down even further he dipped his tongue into her navel feeling her quiver in response. Just as she felt she was about to lose her mind he came back up and she reached down to undo the buckle on his pants. He helped her and soon they were discarded. Balancing his weight on his elbows he stared down at her, memorizing the curve of her face, the hurt and pain disappearing from her eyes. She spread her legs, showing him where she needs him most and he pressed his weight into her, nestling in between her folds.

Coming up for air, they stared at each other, foreheads pressed together. She took a moment to run her hands along his arms, enjoying the way they flexed before he suckled the tip of her mouth again, bathing her with his tongue. He felt her hands slid down his back, memorizing the arches and planes before she dug into him and pulled. They both let out loud groans as she felt his erection slide gently against her clit. The unbelievable friction it created caused them to shut their eyes tightly. They repeated the motion until they were both shaking with want.

She found his fingers brushing over her lips and as he took her face in her hands, she realized she couldn't think of anything. Her name, her job, everything had melted away. The only thing she did know was that she felt something for this man. And as she looked into his eyes, past them into his soul she finally understood where she was supposed to be.

Jarek closed his eyes and she felt his jaw working underneath her fingers. He dipped down into the crook of her neck, sliding deeper into her. She clutched his back in response, hooking her legs around his waist. Burying himself inside her, he stayed still waiting for her to slowly open up. She gasped, fisting his hair, sucking on an earlobe.

"Jarek," she heaved letting her inner walls squeeze him.

Panting, he started moving against her, setting a maddeningly slow pace. She scraped her fingernails down his biceps.

His head re-emerged from her neck as he thrust slowly into her again, parting her lips as she gasped. Their tongues slid past each other mimicking the slow movement of their hips. He was close and she was too, but they held back.

She unhooked her legs from around his hips, setting her feet on the mattress for leverage. He withdrew from her and she squeezed him tightly wanting, needing to hold onto every inch of him. Breaking the kiss and gasping for air, he thrust back in, feeling her walls squeeze him tightly as he withdrew. White lights began to flash before her eyes.

"Oh god, Teresa please."

She kissed him violently, swallowing his groan.

Hooking his arms around her knees, he lifted her hips up towards his chest, the new angle making him thrust deeper into her. Tingles exploded inside her as he sped up the movement of his hips. Teresa threw her head back as he pressed his entire weight onto her, desperately clutching at the sheets around her.

She screamed in ecstasy as her walls clamped around him.

The force of her orgasm was enough to carry them through the night as he thrust into her over and over.


End file.
